R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
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Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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