I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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