Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
as a side note pls kill me
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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