im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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