I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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