Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize