You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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