is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
