Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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