I cannot find my penis.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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