Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
