Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
