they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
the raccoons are back...
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