Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
