Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
