I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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