He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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