we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
