I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
