he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
