My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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