I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
