I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
