I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
