Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
