This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
