so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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