I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize