shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
