Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
