I think i sorta joined a cult last night
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
