and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
