i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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