thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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