We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
