youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
