Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
