i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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