This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
