Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
