thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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