Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize