She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
