MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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