this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
