Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You are the jesus of drinking
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize