I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
