Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
