do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
