Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
