True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
