We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
