you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
