Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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