Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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