I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
