I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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