Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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