i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
