Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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