I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
