Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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