A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
