just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We have so much sex to catch up on
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
