apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
