i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
