My sheets look like a crime scene.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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