She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
