Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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